It has officially been 2 1/2 years since I've updated this blog, which will hopefully show you how passionate I am about the subject I'm about to embark upon.
As you all know, I have been very open with my health journey, and as a result, have many people who feel comfortable sharing personal things with me. I am so grateful for these friends and love them so much... which is why I am writing this. It seems that the past few months have been a HUGE struggle for many people as far as body image is concerned.
I've had people talk to me privately about it, people who have "come out" about it on Facebook, and people who have clearly shown it through their actions.
I am BY NO MEANS an expert in this category. In fact, my self-image has been my #1 inhibitor my WHOLE life. Some may wonder why I've taken such long breaks from my blogs, and I will tell you. I've STRUGGLED A LOT the last few years. Becoming a mom, though my biggest blessing, has also been a huge struggle... a struggle to find balance between my husband and daughter, work, and me. A struggle to find a place in a whole new world, to feel valued, to find my energy, and to work past the hurdles of 3 people (almost 4) instead of just 1. But more than all of those struggles comes the hardest struggle of all... a REALLY poor self-image. This poor self-image, I believe, has made all of the previous struggles that much more difficult.
Putting it on paper almost makes it sound ridiculous. Why would I let something so trivial as my weight and the way I look affect the rest of my life? Those of you who struggle with this know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.
Most of you know that in April 2014, I became a Plexus Ambassador. Plexus has been such a huge blessing in my life. The products really, truly helped balance my body, which helped me with my energy, food cravings, finances, stress, pain, and yes, much of my self-image issues. But I will be completely open and honest in telling you that there are times that I really struggle with promoting health products, well, because I'm not losing weight like others, I'm still 100+ lbs overweight AND I still have some deep issues with food. Not to mention the fact that every time I see pictures of the people who are the most successful in this business, I can't help but notice they all have "perfect" little bodies. (How can a girl like me succeed in a health promotion business?)
A few months into promoting Plexus, I realized (thanks to some prompting from some friends) that my issues were deeper than physiological. I needed some mental help. I decided to start counseling for eating disorders, and ironically, right after I started I found out I was pregnant. Let me just tell you, finding balance is HARD, finding balance when you're pregnant almost seems like a joke! Haha!
It may or may not be noticeable to people that I have been not so positive this pregnancy. I've been blaming the pregnancy, but in all honesty I'm working through a lot mentally right now... and sometimes you have to go through a little bit of Hell to come out better in the end, if you know what I mean. I've learned that it's ok to be vulnerable, it's ok to feel negative thoughts (obviously, you don't want to get stuck in them), but the most important lesson I've learned is that I AM THE ONLY PERSON WHO DETERMINES WHETHER OR NOT I'M BEAUTIFUL and I AM THE ONLY PERSON THAT DETERMINES MY WORTH.
That's right! Nobody else has that power over me. I am SO powerful that I am the ONLY one who can control what and who I am.
I know this may sound elementary and obvious, yet it is SO profound to me. Look at how many of us give our power away to everybody else. If we aren't a certain size, we must not be beautiful because so-and-so doesn't think it's beautiful... you get the drift.
In my process to learn to love myself, I've had to do things that are VERY difficult for me. I've had to quit support groups that I'd been a part of for a long time... Not because they weren't supportive, but because I would get depressed every time somebody with a body I would practically kill to have, would talk negatively about their body. You see, most people don't see your flaws (unless they're a person not worth your time), they see YOU. WE see our flaws and assume everybody else is noticing only those flaws, and it creates a chain reaction that causes us to behave differently than we would otherwise.
While I know it will take me a while to fully learn these lessons, I am FULLY committed to learning them! I look at my friends and see incredible people. I see people that are incredibly beautiful, giving, talented, and worthy of happiness... I wish you could all see that in yourselves!!! Remember, YOU are the ONLY person that determines your BEAUTY and WORTH!!!
Love you all! Blessed be!
P.S. If, on your journey to take your power back, you ever need an outside source to tell you how beautiful and incredible you are, I'm here for ya ;).